Things We Buy

21 Sep Things We Buy

I do this thing sometimes — usually when I’m feeling like I don’t belong per say (I realize this is my own awkward shit) or not at my best, physically. You know those days? The ones where your hair did a weird thing in the morning or a pimple grew in a obvious spot? Personally, I always kick myself when I’m in flats or sneakers and every one else looks around me looks fancy schmancy.

I was at the grand opening for Italian shoe brand Aquazurra’s first store in the US, on Madison Avenue, natch. A woman with botoxed lips had just bumped me with her jumbo classic flap Chanel bag. To be fair, the store was crowded. There were Hiltons, Royal Highnesses, and reality stars.

Shop the look: Similar Equipment shirt dress ($278), American Eagle boyfriend jeans ($49.95), Zara shoes ($49.50), Coach duffle (not online), J.Crew tassel earrings ($65)

The waiter carrying the bottle of champagne in the crook of his arm topped me off, smiling. I looked around the room and realized that we were the only two brown faces in the room. I smiled back. This is usually my experience, the doormen at the fancy sales I used to cover, the waiters at the parties — and me. This isn’t always the case but it happens a lot, like, a lot of the time.

My favorite doorman is at Bergdorf Goodman. He also works sample sales when he isn’t standing guard inside the department store’s new jewelry section and he saw me shoot my new header video.

Anyway. I cussed myself for wearing Aquazurra-inspired Zara flats. I wished I had a “good” bag.  Not my trusty Coach duffle that can hold my computer and not make my left shoulder slump from the weight. Just about all of my clothes, shoes, and accessories are still in storage, but one thing at a time here.

I read this interview once where Kanye explained that when he first met his ex-fiancé Alexis Phifer, he apologized for his appearance. He was wearing an oversized jersey and didn’t think that represented his style prowess at all. He wanted her to know that he was better than that. That he could dress himself better than that.

I knew why I was aching for my Chanel. Or the Louis Vuitton Sac Plat tote I would have typically carried to work. I wanted an outward identifier that I belonged.  What did Kanye rap? Things we buy to cover up what’s inside?

Ugh.

I hated myself instantly for feeling like things granted me access to some club when people with true style know it isn’t about where you shop or how much money you have. Especially in a place like New York when people are cash poor but look wealthy-as-shit.

I stood up straight in my Zara shoes and readjusted my Coach bag. My mother didn’t raise a woman who would cower like that, ever, especially feeling less than over some stuff.

I’ve been taking time off, I guess you could say, to be fully present in the moment which includes transitioning a vacation boo to one IRL, casually redesigning my blog, finding a new studio apartment in Harlem, and well, living.

We’ll talk. I promise. Beginning next week, there will be posts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, as well as a weekly newsletter (sign up here!) with New York’s best sales, store openings, and events.

I’ve been gone for a minute, I know. But trust me, the stories are better, and so are the outfits.