Dear New York, Your Chaos is Calming

26 Aug Dear New York, Your Chaos is Calming

I love this city, I hate it sometimes, too. In an effort to keep track of my feelings about the Big Apple during my time here I try my best to chronicle them in a letter to this crazy place. Welcome to Dear New York–a series posted monthly on the anniversary of the date I moved here. 

Hey you,

I’m a little late this month. I know, I’m sorry. My eyes are literally burning. My elbows hurt from spending more time at the computer than not between the xoNecole launch, my Levo pieces and the day job.

I love it.

But I hate that I perform my best under stress and pressure. I hate that I need a million things to feel focused enough to excel at the three I want to do the most.

How will I ever be a healthy functioning grown *ss woman if I have to constantly have my hand in so many things?

I realize that I have entrepreneurial dreams. But it’s been a struggle finding the balance between working and taking time off, but I don’t really need all that free time.

All least not right now.

I think there is a reason certain things are ending while new things are beginning. Something had to give to make way for the blessings I claim to want.

I was reminded of this on the way to work this morning on the 6. I don’t know what happened but that train was especially crowded and people were shoving to get on. By the time we got to one of the busier stops—my old 77^th Street station—the train was packed.

When I first moved here, I couldn’t get over the fact that grown people where literally shoving themselves into what Kid Fury calls, a moving 4Loko can.

It kills me every single time it happens. There is always one person with the audacity to shout, ‘could you move in, we can fit more people in the middle!’

Here’s the thing, sir or madam. We actually cannot. There isn’t any more room for anyone. Please stop.

I hope what I’m about to say doesn’t sound all fake deep but I see a lot of similarities between my dreams and the ridiculous crowded 6 train.

Sometimes admitting that I want something out loud is like shoving myself onto an already crowded train.

Bish, where?!

Whether than be what I want my relationship to feel like or simply saying I want to write about clothing and lipsticks all day.

[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]There is something freeing about admitting what I want and be truthful about my intentions.[/inlinetweet]

“You have a way of saying you want something and you get it,” Yaszy said. “It might not be when you wanted it but you always do.” I don’ t know. I think that not only speaks to me being honest with myself but to a praying mother.

I believe one Aurbrey Graham said on his former friend’s Meek Mill’s sleeper hit “Amen,” [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]“I’m the type to say a prayer and go get what I just prayed for.”[/inlinetweet] ? ?

Which leads me to my initial point New York, I wouldn’t have even being praying this hard in the first place if not for your chaos. I wouldn’t have been able to plot my attack. And now that I have?

Man… you don’t even know what you started.

I just want to say thank you. I’m going to look back at this time and see that it all start right here. Literally. Amongst the chaos.

?: Yasmein James

Focused on you,